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Gabriel Shunn
English T/TH
10-12pm

A Group I Belong To
What does motherhood mean to you? I’m sure it means security knowing she’ll always be there. Or maybe the way she cooks you meals. I’m sure she’s beautiful in every way to you and you wouldn’t trade her for anything on this world. I guess you can say in my case, that God dealt me a shitty hand. I am part of the unlucky few that was raised without a mother. She passed away during my child years leaving cold with no direction. As time went by, I realized how big of a problem this really was.
Its hard being part of this group, and there aren’t a lot of people in it. All throughout my high school career, I never met anyone in the same situation as me. Its depressing in a lot of ways, but it does have some importance to me. I believe making it through the whole ordeal with my head held high, shows how strong of an individual I am. When people hear my story they tell me that they couldn’t do it. Some even say they’d commit suicide if they were in my shoes. It’s a hard thing to go through, but never once did I ever think about ending my life. You can’t take the easy way out of hardship. How’s that saying go, when life throws you lemons you make lemonade? Every night I spent crying myself to sleep made me stronger. I feel that if I made it through this, I can make it through anything.
Most don’t see the severity of this situation. Many ask questions. But I know one thing for sure, that no one would want to live their lives without mothers. But at the same time, a lot of people don’t know how important mothers really are. They help you through life on a day-to-day basis. When you go from being raised by both parents to only have one, everyday tasks become as difficult as trying to find a light switch in the dark. So many questions unanswered. The worst is thinking about random events, like the future. How hard will coping be when she’s not there to watch and take pictures when I graduate college, who will dance with me at my wedding during the mother groom dance, and who is going to be there when I have my first born. I know it’s too much to take in. but for me these are thoughts that still to this day, after six years, haunt my mind. Holidays get worse ever year. I don’t find gifts with, “From Mom” underneath the Christmas tree, and I don’t kiss her on new years. When friends get in arguments with their mom and tell me how much they hate their mom, I drop my jaw in shock. I think in the back of my mind how anyone can say that.
When I returned to school from being away in seventh grade, people looked at me different. Some would stare; some would try to go out of their way to do things from me. I remember this one specific time; a girl sharpened my pencil for me without asking. In a way I didn’t want their sympathy. I became selfish with my feelings. I didn’t want to tell anyone how I felt because I thought they had no idea how it feels. Now I know you have to give people a chance, and that it does help to get it off your chest. High school was more of a challenge. Immature males and their mother jokes didn’t take to kindly with me. No one believed me when I told them. They thought I was just joking around to make them feel bad, but I wasn’t. I became selfish again. I didn’t let people know.
I guess you can say that I’m part of a group that I don’t want to belong to and there’s no way out. Ill be part of this group for the rest of my life.

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